is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
