i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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