i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
