I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
