im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
