In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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