Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
