if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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