i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
