she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He felt like a one man threesome
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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