that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
