my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
