the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
