He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
