dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
