Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
