oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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