I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
