Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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