She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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