That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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