you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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