yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
