She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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