I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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