Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
