I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
