Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
