Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
