so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
