is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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