that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
