i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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