i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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