after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
