i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize