The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
