Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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