you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
