she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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