All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
