I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
