sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
