I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
