i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
