it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize