You really coming over, don't trick.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize