this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
