Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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