This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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