I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
