im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
