He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
