Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize