Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
