ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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