we have officially lost it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
