You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
