Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
