I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
