there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
