i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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