It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
