Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My life is pants optional.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
